The obsessional problem

The same question on loop at 4am. The flash of disgust when your mind goes there. The vivid mental images. The trying to convince yourself it shouldn't matter, while that feeling in your gut insists it does.

And the relentless conversations, questions, researching and thinking about your partner's sexual past. These are the symptoms of retroactive jealousy.


Couple in bed, man worrying

Wishing your partner's past had been different, having your own standards and expectations - none of this is unnatural or unusual. It's what you do next that either keeps you stuck or moves you through it.

Retroactive jealousy is not the same for everyone.

For some people, it's mostly self-doubt - comparing, needing reassurance, wondering if you measure up. For others, it's more like anger - a nagging sense that something isn't right, and it never will be.

For a lot of people, it's a horrible mix of both. 

This course effectively tackles both ends of the problem.

Why is Past Tense different?

There are lots of books and courses offering solutions to retroactive jealousy. Here's what I do differently:

  • I treat retroactive jealousy as it actually shows up - thoughts and images that won't switch off, and the toll that takes on you and your relationship.

  • I specifically target the intense rumination and overthinking, often the biggest part of RJ.

  • I don't rely on meditation, affirmations, or "just let it go." There's nothing wrong with these things, but most cases of retroactive jealousy will eat them for breakfast.

  • Alongside the thinking work, I provide practical techniques for managing moments that feel overwhelming, urges that are sabotaging.

  • I don't ask you to pretend you don't mind or see your partner more positively. You're allowed to wish things were otherwise. What changes is what you do with that.

Your coach

Jason Dean

Psychotherapist

Jason is based at North Hampshire Clinic in Basingstoke, UK. He has extensive experience working with anxiety, OCD, relationship and sexual issues in clinic and via remote sessions - including 140+ clients specifically presenting with retroactive jealousy.

How it works

We follow the same process I use with clients in the room: identifying the drivers of your retroactive jealousy and the obsessive-compulsive tricks at work.

Then we address the deeper doubts and regrets that made your partner's past so sticky and intolerable.

Couple on a date, her past looming in the background

Drawing on real casework, we'll go from the first conversation to the specific work of getting unstuck from overthinking and rumination.

Course contents

    1. I can't stop thinking about their past

      FREE PREVIEW

    2. How to get the most from this course

      FREE PREVIEW

    1. Their past or me?

      FREE PREVIEW

    2. Reasonable or obsessional?

      FREE PREVIEW

    3. The doubt goggles

      FREE PREVIEW

    4. What's your doubt?

    5. Exercise: capturing your worries

    6. 7-11 breathing technique

    7. Seeing the sequence

    8. Exercise: stepping through your sequence

    9. What are you doing?

    10. Try this: step back from the debate

    1. Retroactive reasons

    2. Exercise: finding your reasons

    3. A sticky story

    4. Exercise: tell your story

    5. Exercise: flip the story

    6. Why we fall for it

    7. Try this: better questions to ask

    1. Your sense of self

    2. Try this: what does it say about you?

    3. A wobbly sense of self

    4. Try this: the martian's notepad

    5. A fortress

    6. Try this: plot your compulsions

    1. Back to certainty

    2. Try this: pause on the bridge

    3. Messy reality

    4. Try this: when the bubble beckons

    5. What to do instead?

    6. Curveballs

    7. Back to you

    1. Further resources

    2. Credits

About this course

  • £179.00
  • 3.5 hours of video content
  • 16 lessons
  • 30-day money back guarantee

What people are saying

“Thank you so much for putting together this course! I found it immensely helpful. I've spent twenty-five years doing the same thing without ever realizing it. I have a fairly strong will, so I have been able bottle things up well and mostly (until recently) hidden the obsession from my spouse. THANK YOU. Your presentation was perfect. Forcing me to write things down was very helpful. You are doing great work and helping a lot of people.”

Nathan, US

“This program helped me more than any of the other retroactive jealousy books and courses I've tried - which is quite a few! Your down to earth approach is refreshing and just what I needed.”

Adam, UK

“After months of waking up to relentless thoughts about his past, I'm really pleased with how much better I feel. Yes I still have some thoughts but they feel so much easier to handle. Thank you.”

Amy, UK

FAQs

  • Is this a replacement for therapy?

    No, speaking directly with a therapist with expertise in treating retroactive jealousy will inevitably be more effective. And if you are experiencing intense anxiety or depression, my recommendation is to seek therapy right away.

    That said, some counsellors and relationship therapists don't know how to effectively work with retroactive jealousy. Therapy turns into venting and assurance-giving sessions, which gives some relief in the session but doesn't stick.

    I've worked with 140+ people struggling with RJ. This course asks the same questions of you that my therapy does, in a self-guided form that you can follow privately and at your own pace.

  • I'm a woman with retroactive jealousy - is this course for me?

    Yes. It's true that retroactive jealousy is often regarded as a 'male ego' problem. But this isn't true and a lot of women struggle with their partner's past too.

    Past Tense is fully inclusive, and one of the main example characters is a woman troubled by her boyfriend's past.

  • My partner struggles with retroactive jealousy - can this course help me?

    This course is specifically for people with retroactive jealousy. If your partner accepts that the problem is on their side but doesn't want to speak with a therapist for any reason, this course is a realistic option. I've made it as relatable and down-to-earth as possible, even for cynical types.

    Retroactive jealousy is extremely hard on partners and puts huge strain on the relationship. My YouTube channel has free videos with specific advice for partners.

  • Is your approach based on CBT or ERP exposure?

    Past Tense is based on Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (I-CBT) - a modern therapy specifically for treating obsessive-compulsive thoughts and behaviours. It also draws on the differentiation model of relationship psychology.

    The I-CBT approach is fundamentally different to regular CBT; it's not about our assessment or over-reaction to unwanted thoughts, but how doubts and sticky themes are made in the first place.

    Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can also be effective for treating retroactive jealousy. But it's difficult to do in a self-guided way and in my clinical experience, I-CBT is a more effective approach. There are no exposure exercises in this course.

  • I've tried other courses for retroactive jealousy - what's different about this one?

    Many RJ courses are created by people who've overcome their own experience of it - which can be genuinely useful, but it's one person's specific version of the problem.

    I work with the many different presentations of RJ as a therapist, and this course reflects that breadth: a clinically-grounded method (I-CBT), not a single recovery story.

Money-back guarantee

I want you to gain real insights into your retroactive jealousy and realise effective change. So I offer a 30-day money back guarantee, no questions asked.

Overcome your retroactive jealousy

16 modules, at your own pace, for less than the cost of two therapy sessions.

Enroll today